How to Overcome Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety affects approximately 12% of all adults sometime in their lives. This means that more than one in ten people will experience anxiety and specifically social anxiety. Will this be you?

What is anxiety, and why do we have anxiety? Anxiety is the brain and body’s way to sign that a threat is present. The primitive part of the brain goes into autopilot to assess the threat and decide whether you should FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE. A person typically experiences increased heart rate and rapid breathing. This reaction allows the body to send more oxygen to the muscles and brain in case the person needs to take action. They will also experience flushed pale skin as the body redirects the blood to major muscle groups in the event the person needs to fight or run away. Some people also experience dilated pupils that allow them to better see and observe their surroundings.

The problem with social anxiety is that the person’s body and brain react to the social situation as if there is a true threat, even when they are not in danger. The brain and body send these signals, and the person “overreacts” to the situation, thus increasing their anxiety. It is important to note that a certain amount of anxiety can be helpful, however, when a person’s level of anxiety is extreme, and the body goes into flight or fight mode, the person is less able to manage their anxiety in the social situation and may choose to leave or avoid situations that cause this physical reaction.

To overcome social anxiety, try the following:

1. Assess the situation prior to attending the social event.
2. Identify triggers that increase your anxiety and be proactive about how to address them.
3. Challenge irrational thinking and reassure yourself that you are in fact SAFE.
4. Focus on your breathing using mindful breathing exercises such as 5-7-8 breathing.
5. Try to view your body’s flight, flight, or freeze reaction as helpful. For example, view your increased heart rate and rapid breathing to get more oxygen to your brain and body, and as a result, you will be able to think and act faster.
6. Remember that your anxiety is time limited.
7. Practice relaxation and mindfulness techniques.
8. Have supportive people around you that can help you feel safer and more comfortable.
9. Role playing problematic situations with friends so you feel more confident.
10. Designate an allotted amount of time you will be at the social event. Make sure the time is short enough that you can successfully remain in the social setting before needing to leave.
11. Remember that getting over anxiety takes time and that facing your fears about social activities will DECREASE your anxiety in the long run.

Remember, the goal of overcoming social anxiety is to ensure a person’s safety by assessing a threat. In social anxiety, the person’s “assessment meter” is going off when no threat exists. If you or your child continues to struggle with social anxiety after trying these suggestions, seeking help is a good option. Yale researcher, Eli Lebowitz, Ph.D., developed a special program called SPACE. SPACE stands for Supporting Parents of Anxious Childhood Emotions, where the parents learn how to decrease their role in their child’s anxiety by either inserting something or removing something from their child’s life to decrease their anxiety. If you think your family may benefit from the SPACE program, Kim Wells of Olney Counseling Center has been trained in this approach.