When parents separate under high-conflict conditions, every conversation can feel like a minefield. Missteps trigger arguments, and children get caught in the middle. At Olney Counseling Center in Olney, Maryland, we rely on Bill Eddy’s research-backed tools to help families shift from chaos to calm. Below is a practical guide—optimized so families searching for help with high-conflict divorce communication can find the support they need.
Why Communication Matters in High-Conflict Divorce
- Sets the tone for co-parenting: Business-like, child-focused messages reduce reactivity and model healthy conflict resolution.
- Protects children’s emotional health: Predictable, respectful exchanges prevent kids from becoming messengers or referees.
- Supports legal clarity: Written, neutral communication shows the court that you prioritize your child’s well-being—crucial in custody evaluations.
Bill Eddy BIFF Method:
- Brief – keep it short.
- Informative – share facts, not feelings.
- Friendly – use a neutral, courteous tone.
- Firm – close the loop without inviting more conflict.
Example:
Hostile text: “You never care about our daughter’s school events!”
BIFF reply: “I will be at the 3 PM conference tomorrow and will share notes afterward.”
How the Bill Eddy BIFF Method De-Escalates Conflict
Developed by Bill Eddy, the BIFF method is designed to help people respond to hostile, blaming, or manipulative messages, especially in high-conflict relationships like divorce or custody disputes.
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Reduces Emotional Triggers
By avoiding blame, sarcasm, and excessive detail, BIFF keeps the conversation calm and focused. -
Breaks the Drama Cycle
High-conflict individuals often seek control through chaos. BIFF denies them the emotional reaction they want. -
Creates Predictable Boundaries
A BIFF response shows consistency and emotional regulation, helping to stabilize volatile interactions. -
Protects Your Peace and Credibility
Clear, respectful communication is not only less stressful—it also builds a record of reasonable behavior, which can be useful in legal or therapeutic settings. -
Encourages Focus on Solutions
By steering conversations toward information and away from personal attacks, BIFF shifts the tone from adversarial to problem-solving.
Who Is Bill Eddy?
Bill Eddy is a family law attorney, therapist, and founder of the High Conflict Institute communication. His work centers on teaching parents—and professionals—how to navigate disputes with minimal drama. His signature contribution is the BIFF Response®.
Benefits for Kids and Parents
- Lower stress levels: Reduced conflict means fewer cortisol spikes for everyone.
- Healthy role-modeling: Children learn that disagreements can be managed respectfully.
- Improved decision-making: Neutral communication makes it easier to focus on solutions instead of blame.
Five BIFF-Based Tips You Can Use Today
- Pause before you hit “send.” Ask: Is my message BIFF?
- Use a co-parenting app. Written records help maintain clarity and accountability.
- Limit topics. One issue per message keeps discussions concise.
- Avoid advice unless requested. Unsolicited opinions often spark defensiveness.
- Document phone calls. After any urgent call, summarize the facts in the app to maintain a record.
How Olney Counseling Center Helps High-Conflict Families
Our team offers:
- Parent coordination and mediation guided by BIFF principles.
- Workshops on managing high-conflict personalities and parallel parenting.
- Therapeutic support for children who feel caught between warring parents.
Serving Montgomery County and surrounding areas, we provide both in-person and secure telehealth sessions. Contact us to learn how structured communication can stabilize your family’s next chapter.
Need help with Communication, Parent Coordination, Mediation and/or Reunification- Call Olney Counseling Center at (301) 555-1234 or visit olneycounseling.com to schedule a consultation. Let’s move your family from conflict toward cooperation—one BIFF message at a time.
Try this Free Communication Style Quiz to see how you communicate.
